Beard Quotes

Paul Verbiton August 8, 2018
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funny beard quotes

It is good to have beardless friends. When you go out, people will assume you are their leader.

A man without a beard is like bread without crust.

Stroke it often. Bury your face in it. Help him groom it. Compliment him on the size. Let him enjoy the attention from it. That’s beard love.

I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome my beard is.

Some guys wait for a certain month to grow a beard. I’ve chosen to never keep manliness waiting.

What BEARD comes from: Being Exceptional Among Regular Dudes.

You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need balls and a beard.

I got 99 problems. But my beard ain’t one.

So you don’t like my beard? That’s ok, I didn’t grow it for you.

You can call a bearded man a lot of things. “Boy” ain’t one of them.

Shaving you beard is like neutering your face.

Why do I have a beard?
1. I hate shaving. You don’t?
2. It feels manly. I like feeling manly.
3. It pisses off guys who can’t grow one.
4. I’m not 12 years old.
5. I have no need for curly scarves.
6. Leftovers.
7. It makes me happy. Deal with it.

Ideas are born from a beard stroke.

I want to inspire people. I want someone to look at me and say “Because of you, I didn’t give up. I grew a beard.”

Wake up and beard awesome.

Beards are the new six pack.

Love is blind… unless you have a beard… and an axe… and a flannel…

97% of women prefer men with beards… The other 3% do too.

Without men there would be no beards. Without beards there would be no men.

You do not question the beard, the beard questions you.

A beard shows our wisdom.

A beard helps us to balance our ego.

A beard gives us courage.

A beard protects us in the winter.

Our beard makes us unique.

True, not all women love beards. It’s really just the awesome ones.

A beard is a gift you give your face.

I don’t like myself without a beard.

The beard is nothing more than pure manliness dozing from the pores.

Grow it with care. Wear it with pride.

Beards are an aquired taste. Don’t like them? Acquire some taste.

If you’re thinking of shaving, stop thinking!

Of course I think about shaving. I think about how much it sucks and how great it feels to be bearded.

Trust me. I have a beard.

Men who think beards are to itchy will find manhood too heavy.

Some men make the choice to shave. Others make the choice to be Men.

What you think of me as a bearded man is none of my business.

My beard is not proof of my manliness. My beard is proof of my patience.

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who appreciate a good beard and those who are wrong.

Go ahead and stare at your beard in the mirror, you manly bastard. You’ve earned it.

Regret: What a man feels the day after he shaves his beard off.

May your face stay hairy all the days of your life.

If a man can’t care for his beard, how can he care for his family?

I was once a beardless. Then I became a man.

Ladies, if you man has a beard, raise your hand. If he doesn’t, raise your standards.

Someone has to be awesome. It might as well be me.

I hate being sexy but I’m a bearded man so I can’t help it.

Real men grow their own scarf.

The beard is a chandelier for your face.

Bearded men as twice as likely as clean shaved men to survive the zombie apocalypse.

The only thing dirty about my beard is the mind that comes with it.

One can always trust a men with a well groomed beard.

Growing a beard is a habit most natural, scriptural, manly and beneficial. – CH Spurgeon

I’m all about that beard. Bout that beard no stubble.

He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man. He that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him. – Shakespeare

A beard tells the world: “I’m experienced in awesome”.

Vikings, Santa and Lincoln. Need I say more?

The only reason to shave you beard is for the joy of growing it again.

Real men need no Movember to wear a mighty beard.

Fret not, young bearder. Itch too shall pass.

A beard is awesomeness seeping through your face.

When two beards cross paths the larger beard has the right of way.

Grow a sweet beard, you should.

Beard use: Never buy a scarf again.

Life is better with a beard.

Beard to be wild.

This is not just a beard. It’s a passport to awesome.

The beard is the only visible sunnah you take into the grave with you.

Wisdom can be measured in inches.

The beard signifies the courageous; the beard distinguishes the grown men, the earnest, the active, the vigorous. So that when we describe such, we say, he is a bearded man.

Respect the beard.

Whoever said that beauty is on the inside clearly could not grow a beard.

Beard season never ends.

Don’t envy someone’s beard. Grow your own.

My beard is an honor student at the school of badassery.

When you are kissing a guy with a beard, it’s different.

Beards are a brotherhood, not a fashion statement.

I’ve got the mustache so I make the rules.

A man without a mustache is like a woman with one.

My heart belongs to you. Just don’t touch my mustache.

Not everyone can be bearded… Someone has to stand on the side and clap as we walk by.

Beard long and prosper.

Shave off your beard and wear a dress. You would be a great female impersonator. – Simon Cowell

When I was 12, my father taught me how to be a man. He took me to the bathroom, picked up a razor, and ate it.

There’s a place for men without beards. It’s called the lady’s room.

Being too lazy to shave your face is your brain’s way of tricking you into becoming a man.

Without a beard you’re the same as every other woman and child.

There’s a name for people without beards: Women.

Beards make everything better.

Grow what nature gave you.

You don’t know the power of the beard.

A bad day with a beard is better than a good day without one.

Work hard! Beard harder!

Beards turn laziness into awesomeness.

Bearded men are stronger, happier, healthier, manlier, and better looking than bald-faced men.

Your character tells the world you are a real man. Your beard is merely the exclamation point.

What are you so defensive? I’m not saying your clean shaved face makes you less of a man. You just look like less of a man.

If your boss at work asks you to shave, tell him it’s against your religion. If he asks what religion, tell him: “Man”.

You’ll never cut yourself bearding.

Any man can start a beard. A true man never finishes one.

A man without a beard is like a lion without a mane.

One can always trust a man with a beard and glasses.

My answers to annoying beard questions:
– Isn’t that beard annoying in the summer? No, manliness is not seasonal.
– When are you going to shave? I don’t understand your question.
– What’s the most annoying thing about having a beard? The questions.

Novembeared. Time to man up.

You can have your “swag”. I have a “beard”.

The average male spends 145 days of his life shaving. Real men don’t waste 145 days.

Beards say a lot about you.

I have the beard. Therefore I make the rules.

Beard rules:
1. Grow it with pride.
2. Trim it with care.
3. Use it wisely.
4. Friendly face.
5. Badge of manhood.
6. It’s a buddy.
7. Don’t shave it.

Beard. Just grow it.

With great beard comes great responsibility.

All the men in my famuly were bearded, and most of the women. – WC Fields

Be a hero and grow a beard.

You call it facial hair. I call it awesomeness escaping through my face.

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over my awesome beard.

It’s hell with that big beard and stuff. That’s the one bit I don’t like. Either you take out at lunch or you don’t eat. So I opted not to eat, ’cause having to put it on twice is horrific. – Robbie Coltrane

Beard (noun): The highest level of badassery.

Men don’t cry. They water their beard.

A man who grow a beard is the kinda man you want to be with because a man who has the patience to grow a beard has the patience to deal with your shit.

Beard on!

Bearded men make better lovers. Hell, we make everything better!

Sometimes I think about shaving but then I think: “Nah, I like my legs the way they are”.

Your problem is not merely the absence of a beard but your efforts to smooth and soften yourself like a woman.

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Paul Verbiton

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